Sleepover!

The first time a grandchild slept at our house with no parents was the night his brother was born. Getting 2-year-old grandchild #1 to go to sleep required tucking him between us and—after MUCH reading, cuddling, jumping about, rearranging, repeat—a long, long bear hug until he finally drifted off. 

It’s a little easier now that the kids are older and recognize that bedtime can actually happen in a new place. But it isn’t all that easy! Disrupted routines, excitement, novelty, and a bit of homesickness all contribute to making bedtime rambunctious and LLLOOONNNGGG. There’s also a lot of energy to channel the next morning, and very possibly in the middle of the night. So know your limits—overnights with the grandkids may not be for you. 

If I haven’t scared you off the idea by now, maybe you’re ready for a few tips. 

I have to say first, though: If your adult children trust you to have the grandchildren overnight, please recognize that their trust in you is an honor. If, on the other hand, your adult children don’t want you have the children overnight, it may be for reasons beyond your control—for example, they may be concerned that you don’t have the physical stamina to cope with their wild one, or they find that the child is too ornery after sleepovers. Or it may be because you haven’t yet earned their trust—in which case, an honest conversation about why not could set you on the path.

Now for the tips

• Plan a rough schedule in advance, being sure to get ideas from the grandkid(s) about what they want to do. The schedule helps with setting the kids’ expectations for fun times, food, and wind-down time and bedtime. It also helps you organize in advance the ideas and equipment you’ll need, and it helps keep the dreaded Boredom Monster away.

• Include sleepover classics like board games, card games, and video games in your plan. (Truth in advertising, I don’t know how to play video games—the kids sure love them, though!) And movies—carefully vetted with parents’ help so they aren’t too scary or otherwise inappropriate. 

• Ideally, also include some kind of outdoor or large-muscle play. Maybe you have access to a pool, or to an indoor or outdoor park? Having some place kids can let off steam by running and tumbling really helps with all other activities, including—eventually—falling asleep.

• Food! Essential, but nothing fancy needed. Pizza for dinner, of course. Maybe you can sneak some fruit or veg into them by setting out carrot sticks, apple slices, and the like before serving the pizza. You can make breakfast special just by having something a little different than their usual. For example, if they always have cereal, serve bagels. Or you can pump it up a little and offer pancakes, waffles, or healthful muffins. Meanwhile, many kids are more into grazing than meals, so have plenty of reasonably healthful snacks on hand. (Eating junk food is likely to upset their stomachs and their sleep.)

• Have the kids bring favorite items from home. One of our grandchildren, on his first overnight here, brought a whole laundry basket full of stuffies. Another brought a nightlight and several books that he really wanted to hear. Your grandchild might want to bring a favorite game, wear certain PJs, etc., etc. What they bring serves the dual purpose of connecting them with home and providing something they want to do.

• Decide on sleeping arrangements. Lots of “it depends” here—the child or children’s age(s), your space, equipment or bedding you have on hand or can borrow, etc. Our grandkids are on the young side (8 or less at this writing), and they aren’t used to being away from their parents. And we happen to have camping cots. So our strategy one night when all three slept over was to line up three cots in our room, piled with sleeping bags they brought from home plus a liberal assortment of stuffies. Kids are often fine with sleeping on the floor or on a yoga mat in a sleeping bag, though. And older kids will typically be happy for a space separate from you.

• Be sure to check in with parents about the kids’ bedtime routine. Sticking with their usual routine as much as possible signals to the child that indeed it’s time to rest. Some kids may want to give their parent(s) a call before bed. In any case, be sure the kids have a good wind-down time, probably reading to themselves or you reading to them, and something to do in bed until they fall asleep. Ideally, the “something” will be reading or looking at books. (Not screens!) Alternatively, the something can be a way to calm their body until sleep comes—quiet singing, rocking, counting sheep, or listening to quiet music.

• Be ready to bail, especially with young children—that is, be prepared that the parents might need to pick the child up or you might need to drive them home. Sometimes being in a strange place is just too strange.

• Ask the parents to pick the kids up early if possible. You probably didn’t get the greatest nights’ sleep, and maybe the kids didn’t either.

• If the kids are staying for more than one night, be sure you have laid out plans for all the time you have, and pace yourself.

Then, the payoff—getting to see and interact with your grandchildren in new ways, and giving them a memorable and fun experience. And your adult children might not mind a night off, either!

PS. Don't turn down help! Is there an aunt or uncle in town who would like a chance to see the kids? Maybe they could lead the video games. (Tremendous thanks to the aunts and uncles who rise to the occasion!)