What's the point? Caring in tough times
Writing has been a struggle for some weeks now. The speed and weight of the US’ moral and political decline has made all my words seem trivial or irrelevant, especially given the (current?) impotence of the opposition. I mean, what’s the point of writing about grandparenting when the country we’ve known is falling apart?
Maybe you’re wondering about the point of your routines and goals, too, in the face of Trumpian degradation. Maybe, like me, you have assumed that beloved aspects of our heritage would remain intact for your children and grandchildren to enjoy, and now, like me, you worry you were wrong. National Parks, for example.[i]Vaccinations.[ii] Independent press.[iii] Free speech in universities.[iv] Checks and balances in government.[v]Freedom from foreign interference in elections.[vi] Maybe you have assumed that the political will to combat climate change would continue.[vii] Or the will to offer aid around the world,[viii] achieve equal opportunity,[ix]conduct scientific and medical research,[x] keep the banking system honest,[xi] or to offer Medicaid to help you or your neighbors.[xii] Maybe, facing strong evidence against your assumptions, you’re shell-shocked, like me. But mostly you’re still getting up, having the coffee, and doing the thing—whatever that is for you.
Why Am I Painting the Living Room?
For the record, I hope I’m overblowing my worries. I’m working at getting a grip (and some guts)! Still, the tension between of looking at disaster and yet proceeding with routines calls to mind the song “Why Am I Painting the Living Room?” (©1988 L&P Berryman. Words by Peter, Music by Lou.) I especially like the last two lines, given our 8 weeks of effort in 2023…
(Lou:)
Holes in the ozone the size of Brazil
Barges of trash in the chewable breeze
Pools of industrial wasteland pate'
Sulfur dioxide dissolving the trees
Pretty soon it will all end with a boom
Why am I painting the living room?
(Peter:)
I have the whole day off
Cause it's a Saturday
There is a bluegrass band
Somewhere along the bay
Look at the lilacs bloom
Why am I painting the living room?
(Lou:)
A pinhead evangelist pays for his sin
With a five dollar fine for a black collar crime
Kingpins of industry knowingly nod
Just like lake Erie they're 12% slime
They wink at the president too I assume
And here I am painting the living room
(Peter:)
I hear the bluebird sing
Don't let the day go by
Look at the blossoms blow
Over the blue blue sky
All with a wild perfume
And here I am painting the living room
(Both [repeated as per melody]:)
Why am I painting the living room?
(Lou:)
Ah yes I can see how my tombstone will read
Here lies someone of exceptional worth
Though she did not do a lot for her kind
Or help hold together this crumbling earth
Here lies a woman they're saying of whom
Sure had a good-looking living room...
Or, to get a little fancier, it calls to mind Voltaire’s Candide, of “we must cultivate our garden” fame. In this 1759 satire slamming optimism, from which the quote comes, the gullible main character Candide and his shifting set of companions wander the globe and experience the horrifying evils of the world—war, earthquakes, shipwrecks, rape, murder, theft, plunder, burning at the stake—many of which events were based on real ones. They also see that people who in principle should do good or serve well—priests, scientists, philosophers, rulers, common people—in fact routinely commit or contribute to atrocities, or at the very least are impotent in overcoming them or blind to realities. Candide ends up morally compromised, too, murdering several people, including his would-be brother-in-law (but surprise! he lived!), along the way. Meanwhile, the characters periodically discuss the thesis that theirs is “the best of all possible worlds,” and in nearly the same instant hear tales of others’ utter misery. So the conclusion, “we must cultivate our garden,” when it comes, is startling. Candide learns this lesson from “the Turk,” who ignores the political chaos around him to build a pastoral life with his small family.
So Candide and five of his fellow travelers follow the Turk’s lead, settling into a life in which each labors for the good of the small group. Says one, “Let us work…without disputing; it is the only way to render life tolerable.” The book’s conclusion is typically read to be recommending quietism—the Turk doesn’t even know the names of major figures of his time. Retreating into private concerns is a possibility now, too, at least temporarily, for those of us not facing deportation, firing, abandonment, or prejudice, and with some economic cushion. That would be me, for example: I could just “cultivate my garden” by tuning out the news and enjoying our grandchildren.
Caring, not quietism
Like merely painting the living room, Candide’s option doesn't cut it: Given that there are ways to resist Trumpism—whether or not they will be effective—quietism takes the pessimistic route, giving up before trying.
More positively, what quietism doesn’t emphasize enough is caring—more specifically, caring that other people—including those beyond our intimate circles—do well. Caring is an emotion, and it’s also an attitude: a way of being in the world that orients interactions with people and the world generally. Very importantly, it’s also laborthat demonstrates that one cares. If you care for others, the emphasis comes off “cultivate your [own] garden,” or “manage your own feelings,” and onto taking responsibility for the work of caregiving.
So one way to answer my own question—“What’s the point?”— is to figure out those people, things, and labor for which I am responsible (which isn’t everything!), and to tend to those as best I can. As readers know, a big part of my caring, and of the responsibilities I have chosen to take on, is to provide some of the care for our grandchildren. In taking those responsibilities seriously, I do what I can to guide the grandchildren toward being caring (and thinking!) people themselves, and to support their parents, as much as I can, in doing their much bigger job in this. So far, not much different from quietism, except in the hope that the caring can continue and spread.
The blog is a baby step beyond that. Like taking care of grandchildren, writing it is both a responsibility and a joy. A responsibility because it’s my small way of sharing some skills of caregiving, and some thoughts that might help along the way; a joy because I appreciate the chance to think things through, and to hear from readers about what resonates and what doesn’t. The responsibility is to honest reflection—hence not skirting my political perspective—and to thoughtful and caring responses to issues that arise in grandparenting—including how to do caring well as people and cherished institutions and norms are broken.
Then there are the next steps, toward responsibilities to the wider world. I’m unlikely to become a leader in engagement and resistance (!)—but I’ve got little things going, and will keep at them—whether or not my optimism is naïve.
[i] https://www.npca.org/articles/7044-parks-are-being-dismantled-before-our-very-eyes
[ii] https://www.npr.org/2025/03/07/nx-s1-5320352/measles-rfk-west-texas-outbreak
[iii] https://www.npr.org/2025/02/26/nx-s1-5308628/trump-white-house-press-access-voa
[iv] https://www.aclu.org/press-releases/after-trump-admin-threats-aclu-sends-letter-of-support-to-universities-urging-them-to-protect-campus-speech
[v] https://www.csmonitor.com/USA/Politics/2025/0225/trump-congress-courts-power
[vi] https://heathercoxrichardson.substack.com/p/march-2-2025
[vii] https://www.pewresearch.org/science/2024/12/09/how-americans-view-climate-change-and-policies-to-address-the-issue/#:~:text=to%20the%20Appendix.-,Support%20for%20policies%20to%20address%20climate%20change,trees%20to%20absorb%20carbon%20emissions.
[viii] https://time.com/7225290/trumps-dismantling-of-usaid/
[ix] https://www.npr.org/2025/03/05/nx-s1-5316227/trump-order-dismantling-education-department
[x] https://apnews.com/article/trump-cuts-research-funding-nih-duke-7f24b33bbad54490583520536ab40e0c
[xi] https://www.npr.org/2025/02/10/nx-s1-5292123/the-trump-administration-has-stopped-work-at-the-cfpb-heres-what-the-agency-does
[xii] https://www.npr.org/sections/shots-health-news/2025/02/20/nx-s1-5303475/republicans-medicaid-cuts-trump-hospitals